Home Is A Fire.

Thinking retrospectively can be a dangerous pastime.
If you think too much back to what you had, before a milestone in your life came and knocked everything out of normality, do you always end up looking back with rose-tinted glasses or can you manage to extricate yourself from emotions and memories and think objectively?


For the same levels in which I am immensely proud of myself for getting to university, for moving forward in my life on the road to being where I want to be professionally, is that enough to compensate for what you lose? Currently, I don't quite know my answer to that. It's just weird remembering how relatively easy things were back home. How you were surrounded by everyone and everything you've ever held close to your heart, and there's definitely a sense of security that you never fully realise how much you appreciated it before you're taken out of that position. 


Ofcourse I know that not every element of my life was 'perfect' say two months ago. Nothing can ever be perfect I don't think- call me pessimistic or whatever but even people who have everything are never fully content or move on to wanting something else. I'm all too aware that  obviously things weren't a good as I may have once thought (otherwise I don't think I'd be single right now for example) but as far as I was concerned, things were pretty good. And then when that's all gone, you think is moving to a new place and leaving people really worth it or is it just purely detrimental?
I don't know.
I don't think I'll ever know.
I don't think you can ever remove that "what if?" thought from your head, in so many circumstances in life.


I am happy here, I love many aspects of university and am increasinglybeing surrounded by great people. I don't regret in the slightest coming here, making the decision to move forward in life. But it proves to you how much you value some people that have been in your life for years, the ones who truly matter. 
At the end of the day, people you've been in relationships with most of the time (and sometimes unfortunately) leave your life, but it's your best friends who are always there, the constant in your life. The same can be said for your family. I think it's fair to say you should never underestimate how much you rely on, love, admire, respect and are shaped by the people you're closest to in life. When you're removed from that normality, when you haven't seen people you've seen nearly every day for the past however many years of your life, that's when you appreciate them just that little bit more. That's when you realise that you want them to remain in your life for years to come. To be there at other milestones in your life. To experience life together, even if you may not be 10-15 minutes away from them.