University brings with it a whole new level of general confusion. There's a degree of independence that you've never had before, albeit still somewhat sheltered from the grim reality of life.
You're still institutionalised, still learning.
You're also still learning so much about yourself, your relationships with people, how you deal with situations. You may be an adult, but I don't think anyone at the age of nineteen can honestly say that they know exactly where they are going in life, or how to handle their feelings, or how to act or react in certain circumstances. It's a lie if you believe you are. I genuinely think that you're lying to yourself if you attempt to make out you're fully competent in all aspects of your life.
Currently, there's a wealth of unanswered questions in my head. Along with a mass of confusing elements regarding various relationships. Oh, and some more shit that just never goes away that as a person with your own individual and unique vices you must fight everyday. When you try putting into that mix a sea of knowledge on whatever it is that you've decided to devote the next three years of your life to, or perhaps longer, how is it supposed to fit in? It's just yet another massive thing to battle with daily.
You want to battle with it though, at least I do, I want so badly to succeed.
Academically and personally.
Maybe that is a bit selfish, I don't know. But I don't think you can be a fully selfless person, otherwise how would you get anywhere in life? Or am I still just too young to understand that. I don't know, and frankly I don't care.
Blah.
PS- So unbelievably excited about going home for Christmas and seeing the ones I love. :)
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